Colossians 3:18-4:1 | Living Relationally

Verse 18 - Blue

In this section, Paul begins a segment on relationships. These are instructions for believers in the body of Christ, given in a very practical way.

Beginning with wives, Paul instructs them to submit to their husbands, “as it is fit in the Lord.” The word submit is ὑποτάσσω [hupotasso], meaning "under appointment."

Many take offense at this passage. The concept of women submitting to their husbands has been called “neanderthal” by some in the Christian community. It must be understood that this is not a demeaning position for women. Since the fall, God has given a certain order to society that holds it together. While everything in Scripture speaks of men as the head of the home, there is nothing in Scripture that supports any view of women as inferior.

Note that women are to submit “as it is fit in the Lord.” This is an adverbial clause tells how to submit, not why to submit.

If a husband insist that his wife submit in a way that is not “fit in the Lord” then she simply should not do it, nor is she required to do so.

Verse 19 - Blue

This straightforward instruction to husbands consists of nine words in Greek and ten words in English. It encompasses nearly all the guidance for husbands found in Scripture. Being a husband is not inherently difficult. Husbands are first commanded to love their wives, a topic Paul expands upon in Ephesians 5:25-31, comparing it to Christ’s love for the church and a man’s love for his own body.

The second directive for husbands is to avoid bitterness towards their wives. Men, who might long for freedom, can sometimes become bitter towards their wives if they feel constrained by necessity or demands. Love can overcome any degree of bitterness, but if it remains a challenge, the husband is simply instructed to eliminate bitterness from his life.

Verse 20 - Blue

Next, Paul addresses children, using a term that does not specify an age but almost certainly refers to those living at home. There comes a time when a man leaves his father and mother (Eph. 5:28), making it implausible to argue that children of any age are under this teaching.

While wives are instructed to submit “as it is fit in the Lord” (v. 18), children are instructed to obey “in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.”

Such teaching could be dangerous in a world where some parents are abusive. Paul, like most biblical writers, is very efficient in giving basic instructions without covering every possible contingency. In a biblical society that adheres to the teachings of verses 18-19, the broad directive of verse 20 is never harmful. Instead of criticizing the Bible for calling for obedience when not every parent is worthy of it, our society should criticize the fact that verses 18-19 are almost completely ignored.

Verse 21 - Blue

Paul now addresses fathers with the instruction not to provoke their children to anger.

The instruction comes with the assumption that fathers are the heads of their households and bear ultimate responsibility for discipline. When dad’s leave discipline to the mom, chaos often ensues.

Father’s are not to “provoke” their children, because it leads to discouragement. Children need to know when to fight and when to leave well-enough alone.